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Chapter Two: Healthy Marriage
Part 1: Criteria for choosing a spouse

The criteria for choosing a spouse depend on the individual’s condition and psychological characteristics. The family and cultural conditions in which they live can be quite different. But there are a number of principles that everyone can use in the same way and get help. We will examine these principles and talk about them.

Matched criteria for marriage

A very important principle about the criteria for choosing a spouse, which we know as the same spouse, or in fact choosing a spouse who is equal to me. In terms of my characteristics and criteria for choosing a spouse, before marriage, we use the same principle of marriage. We must be aware that this principle should not be used at all after marriage.

After marriage, we no longer seek to match our spouse. Before marriage, we try to choose a spouse who is almost equal to us. It is almost identical to us, and almost identical to ours, and ultimately one or more degrees different from us. We can not choose a spouse who is 100% similar to the moon or our spouse. Because it does not exist at all.

To what extent should a spouse be the same?

We say that 70% equality would be ideal. Wherever we have inequality and there is a difference, it becomes a source of conflict and problems for our future. Here I need to know how to raise my awareness and acquire the necessary skills. Because in the future and in our life together, these conflicts and differences will make it difficult for me to see that issue well, to understand it well, and to examine and resolve it. So for premarital counseling or for me to look at my criteria carefully and curiously, it can help me a lot later.

People decide to choose a spouse based on their personal characteristics and their criteria, which are very different and varied, based on completely different priorities.

Age in the criteria for choosing a spouse

One of these cases can be the age criterion, which is much better for people after the age of 27 to be almost the same, and in terms of age, 5 to 7 years is an acceptable age difference. But if you disagree more than this, know that here you can get in trouble later and here later can be a siren. If the age difference is very high or low, you should raise your awareness in this field.

Social class criteria

The criterion of social class is also very important in the issue of marriage, and I have to see what social class my opponent is from and to what extent our social classes are compatible with each other. If there is a gap between these social classes, I need to acquire skills so that I can minimize these differences and, God willing, I can better manage my life.

Education criteria in choosing a spouse

In terms of education, it is better to be equal and not have much difference. In terms of family, it is better to be in harmony, that is, to be equal in terms of family culture. Of course, there are people who marry each other from different cultures. They also experience very good marriages, but they will also have a series of problems to manage.

Beliefs and religion in choosing a spouse

The issue of beliefs and religion is also a very important issue that should be considered and there should not be much difference and the difference in beliefs and religion should not be too much. If we have many differences in this regard, we will also have many problems.

We will check many of these criteria that match between me and the other person, and we will cross each one that does not match. Then we have to check how many of them matched and how many of them did not. If the number of crosses is high and in fact our concordances are less than 40%, be aware that the marriage will be full of problems. Maybe it is better that the marriage does not take place.

Financial and economic status in the criteria for choosing a spouse

In terms of financial and economic status, it is better to have equality or homogeneity. A much more important and fundamental point, in my opinion, is that it is better to have equality in terms of worldview and philosophy of life. When a person enters a community or a community, it is important to know how they relate to others. Does he look at the society around him with a positive view or negative and what is his worldview towards the world and existence? Disagreements in these areas can cause people serious problems. In the field of worldview, you must also observe that similarity, which will be a very important point.

Talking about views, raising children, whether or not to have children, how many children to have, and talking about them before marriage. Let’s get to a poll and an equality and then get married.

Prioritize the criteria for choosing a spouse

Another important issue to consider is to prioritize our criteria. For example, a person may be the first priority for beauty and physical criteria. He should put that priority first in the face and not say to himself that this is an ugly priority or, as others say, we should not have this priority. That’s why I put it last, which is a very wrong thing to do, and you should not have to deal with this or that.

In fact, whatever your principle may be, religion, beauty, the other person’s body, attitude and philosophy of life, you should make that principle your first priority. We need to know that these priorities depend on the knowledge we have of ourselves, and it is you who are involved in these issues throughout your life that you have prioritized.

For example, for someone who is very important to morality, he should definitely put it first, and for example, if he sees a difference in the same morality, he should not accept it at all, because your first priority is morality. If a person’s first and most important priority is beauty, he must definitely put it in the first priority. If there is a difference, do not say that it may become normal for me later, because priorities and principles in life never become normal during life.

Method of prioritizing the criteria for choosing a spouse

So be careful in the criteria for choosing a spouse that if beauty is important to us, we must put it first. If religion is important to us, we must make it our first priority. Prioritization is also very important and let’s prioritize from one to ten. Numbers 1 to 3 Make your priorities very valuable. Let us never sacrifice these priorities. These priorities should not be taken lightly because you will have to ignore them later in life, which will affect your anxiety and mental health, as well as stress. So please be mindful of our priorities.

The important thing here is that people fall into the trap of those who complement them. For example, the person himself has a regular and purposeful personality, and in fact he has an obsessive and strict personality, and because he chooses a person who does not have his weaknesses, and the person lives very comfortably and has a lot of fun. He may be trapped and say to himself that yes, this man or woman can be a good complement to me. Because he does not have my fault or defects.

In fact, we should know that in the first stage and before marriage, we do not look for complementarity, because if two characters are completely opposite, they are not attractive to each other for more than 2 to 3 months, and after a while, they get bored of each other.

Let’s get to know ourselves first

In examining the criteria for choosing a spouse, we should know that we must first know ourselves and understand our weaknesses and work on them ourselves. Let’s try to perfect ourselves and not try to overcome our weaknesses with marriage. In the next step, let’s try to know our personality types. Let’s see if we want peace or supremacy. And based on our knowledge of our personality type, choose a person who is suitable for us and not the opposite of our personality type.

I hope you can make the best choices

Have a nice day, hope to see you